Bread.

Dating is hard, dating as a young widow is even harder. It's as if I have a scarlet "W" branded into my forehead, and usually when people here I'm a suicide widow, they turn tail and run for the hills. Believe it or not, I've actually had people blame me for my husband's death or... Continue Reading →

27

Every September since Sean died I try to take a trip to distract myself from the second most difficult event of the year without him- his birthday. It didn't start that way-I had booked a September trip to England, Ireland and Scotland with my best friend back in 2016 both before I got pregnant and... Continue Reading →

The Bed

Science says that we spend roughly a third of our lives in bed, asleep. In fact, I am writing this as I lay in bed. The bed, in a sence, is a sacred place. It can be a place where new life is created and where it is born. A place where life ends. A... Continue Reading →

Shower

The shower is a funny place. We sing it it, think deep thoughts it in. We cry in it. I cried in the shower a lot growing up. The water would muffle my sobs, and I'm sure in some dramatic teenage way of thinking, I'd symbolically relate the water raining down on me as a... Continue Reading →

4

As I sit at my desk, it is difficult to focus. I am taking short, shallow breaths- fighting the feeling of crushing weight on my chest. I am swallowing the lump in my throat and blinking away the sting of tears welling in my eyes, threatening to spill over onto my face and embarrass me.... Continue Reading →

The Bitter Truth

There is so much about what happened to me and my family that is unfair- though I will say that I also respect that my tribulations do not outweigh those of others. That heing said- I am excruciatingly bitter. I know it's not fair to be envious and angry at others' happiness. I know it's... Continue Reading →

A Late Night Thought

Do they refer us to as the "surviving spouse" because we're simply surviving, not living? We are survivors. We've survived- Suicide Homicide Disease Over dose Car wrecks Cancer Hemmorages Workplace Accidents Heart Attacks Strokes Organ Failure.... From the moment our spouses took their last breath, we became survivors... Until we can truly live again.

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