Bread.

Dating is hard, dating as a young widow is even harder. It's as if I have a scarlet "W" branded into my forehead, and usually when people here I'm a suicide widow, they turn tail and run for the hills. Believe it or not, I've actually had people blame me for my husband's death or... Continue Reading →

The Wish

Dear Sean, Today is your birthday, I wanted to drop the kids off at school and daycare then go to the florist and to the cemetery to see you- I haven't been in months (as I'm sure you've noticed). I wanted to go to counseling, I haven't been since before Iceland, and with it being... Continue Reading →

The Bed

Science says that we spend roughly a third of our lives in bed, asleep. In fact, I am writing this as I lay in bed. The bed, in a sence, is a sacred place. It can be a place where new life is created and where it is born. A place where life ends. A... Continue Reading →

4

As I sit at my desk, it is difficult to focus. I am taking short, shallow breaths- fighting the feeling of crushing weight on my chest. I am swallowing the lump in my throat and blinking away the sting of tears welling in my eyes, threatening to spill over onto my face and embarrass me.... Continue Reading →

Whispers

I was talking to a mom at karate the other night after Gwendolyn helped herself to some of this lady's daughter's toys. We made conversation and as it always does, my dead husband came up. Though I didn't mention the method of his passing the conversation segwayed into post partum depression and her friend who... Continue Reading →

Trigger Me Timbers

I apologize for the title of this post, I simply couldn't help myself. Ahem, anyways-   I bought a gun about three months ago, which may take more than a few of you aback. Why? I thought, would it make people feel uneasy that I had purchased a gun? Was it because my husband used... Continue Reading →

Your Brain on Grief

You've probably heard of "baby brain", a term defined by the fog that encompasses your memory and thought processes after the sleepless, stressful time of bringing a new baby home, but I want to talk about "widow brain". Something discussed less frequently, but is just as real and frustrating. I'm a bit of a brain... Continue Reading →

Children and Suicide

While I've been thinking about this post for a while, I'm just now getting around to writing it. On September 29th, 2018, myself, Luke, Gwendolyn, my mother-in-law and a friend participated in Detroit's Annual Out of The Darkness walk for suicide awareness. To see how many people were affected by suicide and mental illness was... Continue Reading →

Dear Suicide

Dear Suicide, We've gotten to know each other well over the past 250 days. You arrived- so suddenly, unyielding and unwantedly into my home and I wish I had never come to know you, wish I had never learned your name or lost people that I've love to you. You are not brave. Or courageous.... Continue Reading →

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