There's a quote I once saw in my Facebook newsfeed that said "I sat with my anger long enough for her to tell me that her real name was sadness." I find that this quote really resonates with me this year. The first year following Sean's death I was so fucking angry. Angry that he... Continue Reading →
The Gary Sinice Foundation is an INCREDIBLE organization that honors the families of fallen soldiers every year by taking surviving spouses and their children on an all-expense paid trip to Disney World. No expense has been spared and every minute detail has been accounted for right down to pre-provided luggage tags so you don't have... Continue Reading →
Dating is hard, dating as a young widow is even harder. It's as if I have a scarlet "W" branded into my forehead, and usually when people here I'm a suicide widow, they turn tail and run for the hills. Believe it or not, I've actually had people blame me for my husband's death or... Continue Reading →
Every September since Sean died I try to take a trip to distract myself from the second most difficult event of the year without him- his birthday. It didn't start that way-I had booked a September trip to England, Ireland and Scotland with my best friend back in 2016 both before I got pregnant and... Continue Reading →
Science says that we spend roughly a third of our lives in bed, asleep. In fact, I am writing this as I lay in bed. The bed, in a sence, is a sacred place. It can be a place where new life is created and where it is born. A place where life ends. A... Continue Reading →
The shower is a funny place. We sing it it, think deep thoughts it in. We cry in it. I cried in the shower a lot growing up. The water would muffle my sobs, and I'm sure in some dramatic teenage way of thinking, I'd symbolically relate the water raining down on me as a... Continue Reading →
Do they refer us to as the "surviving spouse" because we're simply surviving, not living? We are survivors. We've survived- Suicide Homicide Disease Over dose Car wrecks Cancer Hemmorages Workplace Accidents Heart Attacks Strokes Organ Failure.... From the moment our spouses took their last breath, we became survivors... Until we can truly live again.
This is not my writing, it was something a widower sent to me to read because it had resonated with him. It resonates with me, and I hope you if you've lost someone, anyone- that you find a bit of truth or understanding it in as well. "Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means... Continue Reading →