Let’s talk about the giant, widowed, bat-shit crazy, black-veil-wearing elephant in the room—-
Dating post loss.
I want to make one thing very clear, when/if people date post loss varies, however, whether it be one week or fifty years- it is none of your business. Dating post loss is hard. After the marriage you thought you’d spend the rest of your life in comes to an abrupt end, it’s difficult to even consider moving forward romantically.
When Sean died, people (very inappropriately) told me not to worry, I was young, I’d find someone else.
But I didn’t want anyone else. I was still married.
I stopped wearing my wedding ring on what would have been our third wedding anniversary and six years together. I took it off because I realized I no longer felt married, the idea of starting to date again didn’t riddle me with guilt because it felt like cheating.
So, I made a dating profile.
and then promptly deleted it.
I was so worried about running into someone I knew on the app. What would they think of me? Is it too soon? What if I don’t ever find anyone?
After about two months I decided to give it another go, I remade my profile and matched with someone and decided to go on my first date post loss.
It was a total wash.
- He was twenty minutes late and didn’t even apologize.
- Ordered a mojito (Yes, I judge you on your drink order 🤷♀️)
- Complained about the service, food, atmosphere, ect the entire time.
- Couldn’t stop ranting and raving about crazy parties on his friend’s yacht. I was pretty much done when he compared it to The Wolf of Walstreet. Like, what? You doing coke and banging hookers is supposed to impress me?
- He was at least 3 inches shorter than he said he was in his profile.
I was grateful that it was over. Both because the date sucked and because I had finally taken the first step forward to dating post loss and gotten the jitters out of the way.
Before I had gone out for the first time, I came to the realization that I have never actually dated as an adult. Sean and I got together when I was seventeen, enagaged at nineteen, married at twenty-one and now widowed at twenty-four.
I never thought this would be my life, but that is precisely what it is.
While a piece of my heart died with Sean, he is dead and I am not. He once told me that if “God forbid” either of us die when the other is still interested in dating, that we would want to other to find love and be happy again.
Because that’s truly what love is- wanting the best for someone, wanting them to genuinely smile and laugh, to be happy…even if it means without you.
So- yes. I am dating again and those I feared judgment from the most have been exceedingly supportive, so, I hope you are too.